How NOT To Report A Broken Laptop Screen-For The Tech Challenged

CeeLee is the tech support straight man
Calling tech support is as fun as getting teeth pulled

I AM tech challenged, hear me roar…

There’s no doubt about it, I am as tech challenged as they come. Most of my learning is from that of the hard way, rather than having anything go easily. I do believe I am Murphy’s Law personified. Give me 5 minutes and I’ll screw up the most basic of systems, even the ones geared towards the less technically inclined, such as myself,  beyond all hopes of redemption. Trust me. I’m a natural, I excel at this!

My son pleads the fifth regarding knowledge of how the screen was broken

I thought I did it right. After all, I knew accidents were going to happen, if not from him, then certainly for me. And in so thinking, when I bought the laptop I also purchased insurance for ‘accidental damage’. He is 8 and I’m…much older than that. I theorized that it was just a matter of time before it was broken, the only real question being, was what would be broken first? I really was trying to do everything the right way. I was pretty confident that I had. And I was wrong.

Calling tech support is a lesson in comedy…for them

“Hi, thank you for calling tech support, my name is (hmph, mmph) how can I assist you today?”
(Me) “My son’s laptop hates us. The screen is pixelated and striped”
(giggle gasp)” I see….and so you, or he… had an impact with it?”
(Me) “Um…no, apparently it did this all by itself. My son swears no one TOUCHED it”
(snorted chuckle) ” I see….and so can I have your serial number, product number, mother’s maiden name, social security number, date of birth, phone number, address, ranking in the Nielson, lifetime accomplishments, and the year graduating from high school? For….verification purposes” (muffled chortle)
( Me) “Wait…What? Seriously?!”
(continued laughter out loud now) “Oh I never kid around”
I obediently gave all the info required to prove that I really was the person I said I was, thereby assuring tech support this wasn’t a plot to take over the world, or just laptops in general. Silence. “Please hold” and I did hold.

3 hours later…

I had enough time to make coffee, question my son again as to how this injury occurred to his laptop, he had time to assure me that it just magically was like that, upon awakening and opening it, earlier this morning, paid my bills, had coffee with the neighborhood ladies, and cleaned the house. click!

(smothered snort) “I’m shipping you a box to place your laptop in, of course, you will be required to pay to ship it back to us, so that we may examine it and ascertain no actual impact has occurred, upon which, we will notify you of our findings and plan to rectify the situation no later than….20 business days” (maniacal laughter)

(Me) “Are you Satan? Did I misdial? See, I was trying to reach….”
(mrmph muggle) “They call me….Destroyer of Sanity, Overlord to the Realm of All that is Electronic and Engineered To Malfunction Without Fault Of Your Own Doing”

(Me) ” Damn,that’s a long name!”

(mrpfl gag)” You can call me Dan”

(Me) “Fine Dan, but how much is this going to cost?” (I think the entire office was on speaker, judging from the gales of laughter)

“28.50! Bwahahahaha!”

(Me) ” Oh holy hell, you are Satan!”

The moral of the story

Insurance for all things tech doesn’t quite work they way I thought it would. And that I was the star of comedic value for an entire tech support department that day. Oh and if you buy your son a laptop, encase the damn thing in bubble wrap.


2 thoughts on “How NOT To Report A Broken Laptop Screen-For The Tech Challenged”

    1. Hi Traci 🙂
      Welcome to my blog, I welcome comments, I’m glad you liked the post.
      Oh LOL and wouldn’t that be wonderful?
      A self destruct button! Yeah! Oh wait…that’s me! LOL
      I do it without even trying! I think it’s my only natural talent.
      I can shut a computer down merely by looking cross eyed at it, sad but true. 🙂

I love getting comments. It's as close to being famous as I'll ever get.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s