What to do, what to do…
Adderall on board? (Yez, Mz Moneypenny) Brain locked down? (Yez, Mz Moneypenny) I’m medicated properly and my focus has narrowed to a fine beam. Despite that fact, I’m doing my best to resist my insatiable urge to mess with my I’m a man, CeeLee and a man can only take so much, guy. This is usually the time that little devil and I get into the most trouble. So, I’m in here, in my office, safely away from temptation and am doing my best to peck out a post, or work on my ever looming deadline with NaNoWriMo and the bet I made with my son.
I’m behaving, see?
Herein lies the problem. I’m in my office. It’s quiet, my humor is alive and kicking and the little devil with all these really great ideas, residing in my brain, and who is even now, whispering that right now I could do something that would drive my guy insane with irritation and fill my laugh quota for the evening. (Got to be good…resist so that you might live to laugh another day CeeLee!) I can come up with all sorts of novel ways to get myself in trouble, usually within mere nano seconds. That’s when it hit me. As I’m almost assuredly going to put my guy into the funny farm, he raving wildly about me and little devils and whatnot and begging the nice men in white coats, to take him far, far away from me, I had one hellaciously good idea.
Maybe I missed my true calling
I could be a….Tormentor For Hire! I would come with personal references, loads of them actually, all attesting to my effectiveness, (100%) and my speed (don’t let my age fool ya) and my stealth (again, don’t let my age fool ya). Hell, I could even offer full money-back guarantee, because I’m Just. THAT. GOOD. The intended victim will never see it coming. I hold a major in looks that speak volumes, and a minor in annoyance in complete silence. A lot of people can torment, but none of them hold the record of neutral to irritation in 2.3 seconds. No one until me.
Faster than a gnat in your eye, quicker than a speeding muscle spasm, tripping over my victims in a single stumble, I am….Tormentor For Hire!
I can torment in the dark (tossing and turning in bed) I can torment without so much as moving a muscle. (“MOAMM! Quiditt!”) Adults are 500.00 a piece, except on Fridays, when they are half price. Teenagers are a 1,000.00 (due to the extra health insurance I’ll need to procure. For me.) and kids are 300.00 a crack. Take advantage of my Oh Dear Gawd, She’s On A Roll special! Two for one! (must be equal or lesser value) Time and space is limited. Let me do your dirty work for you!