Putting My Expectations On A Diet For The Holidays

Come On Holidays!

Oh wow man, it’s rreverbbb…

I have these hugely overweight expectations and life never quite is able to sync up to them. It sucks. Have you ever been watching TV and in the next room, someone else is watching the exact same show? You get to hear both TV’s  simultaneously, and you almost always can hear that slight difference. Its that minute delay in one or the other, that reverb that drives you insane in like 3 seconds flat.  Are you with me on this? Good! That’s my point.

My perception of reality isn’t quite in time with yours

It’s as apt a description as I can get, for pointing out the ever so slight but oh so noticeable delays in my perceptions of what is, versus your perceptions. I’m doing the exact same thing as you, I’m marching right along side you in cadence, but my cadence isn’t quite synced up to your cadence.Yeah, I know, I know. CeeLee and her music comparisons. I really must get out more. So why did I tell you this? Because my expectations are in desperate need of a diet. Right freakin’ now. Here’s why. 

I dream of It’s A Wonderful Life…but I get National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

Enough said, huh? Yep. Ole Ceelee and her visions of grandeur. Always dreaming of the impossible and impractical. Like…trimming the perfect, non-shedding but real tree with my son and SO. Engaging in domestic activities like baking cookies shaped like candy canes. Having them come out without so much a single scorch mark on the bottoms-in short, edible. Enjoying a relaxing day with my family instead of a frantic dash across town, zig zagging through 3 different counties. Being able to eat more than one bite of food.

Yeah, so I’m doing something totally crazy

This year, I’ve vowed to stopping dreaming. First thing? Santa and his elves are gonna deliver on my time table, thank you. If he doesn’t like it, he can stick Rudolph’s carrot where the sun don’t shine. And to the gazillion family members. This time around, I’m staying longer than 4 nano seconds before going to the next stop. Sorry, but with all due respect-bite me. It’s not you dashing and sounding like Chevy Chase on a rant, that spot always goes to me. Yeah, it’s your turn. We will be there, just when I’m damn good and ready.

Grinchy you say?

Naw, not me. I’m not grouchy, grinchy or even miserly this year. I want a decent holiday-that’s it. Hey, it may be my last, you see. My son loves my maverick idea. He supports me 100%. So much in fact, that he has informed me that on Christmas Day, what better time to have me do something totally crazy like him calling in his wager?  There is a pond waiting and  it has my name written in blue frozen letters all over it. If I live through it, I’m positive that my entire family will be getting what they’ve always wanted. CeeLee with her mouth frozen shut. My hair will look great, I’m sure. Now if that isn’t in the spirit of the holidays, then I have a carrot for you.

This is Gonna Suck
This is Gonna Suck



2 thoughts on “Putting My Expectations On A Diet For The Holidays”

  1. I have all but dispensed with the TV version of Xmas expectations. I still put up a tree…a real one in a bucket of wet sand. I hang my ornaments and it looks good enough for me. I hang 1 plain real wreath outside the front door. I have a couple of xmas groupings on my shelving unit beneath the tv. I sent my 3 grandkids money and they can do their own shopping. I order everything online. I don’t do family gatherings on xmas…it’s been years and years now. We are all happier for it…especially me. I have no stress this time of year. I even get to go out for a ride at night to look at all the other people’s xmas lights and decorations. Pretty. Now, I really do like this season:)

  2. I can’t agree more. I’m all about online and letting the gifts be chosen by those getting them, less hassle! This was by far, the strangest holiday I’ve had, and that’s a steep curve LOL

    It had some stellar moment s and just plain wtf moments, but I’m just glad that it’s done, and everyone got what they wanted. 🙂

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