A phrase is a phrase by any other name…
Ah, linguistics are great, aren’t they? My command of the English language may not always shine per say, but I love playing with words. Except for a few, that is. Those few cause an opposite reaction within me and make me scramble to find the bottle of Pepto.
Those would be the ones that suck right out loud in front of your Mom.
My Top Five ‘Clench The Butt Cheeks’ Moments
- “This is only going to cause slight discomfort” (Age 13) The smiling orthodontist who might have been better suited to dudgeon master, as he began the installation of the old fashioned, heavy metal, repel any boy closer than fifty feet, braces to help me look...prettier.
- “Wow! Now would ya look at that…Only three of them are impacted. It’s your lucky day!” (Age 25) The dentist who so kindly cut my wisdom teeth out with only a local, and who was apparently celebrating his graduation-from dental school as sponsored by Kmart, at the same time.
- “So guess what? You were right, it is your gall bladder…” (Age 28) My surgeon, after finding out I wasn’t yanking his chain. As if. He was hot, oh yes, but not hot enough to volunteer removal of an organ that I might have need of.
- ” Watch yourself, she is a bleeder, lookit her go!” (Age 35) My oral surgeon, who has no sense of humor.
Pucker factor rating a gazillion psi:
Throughout my life with it’s many ADHD assisted twists and turns, I’ve had many such chances to become intimately acquainted with more than few of them. Those that come with the belly sinking feeling and the pucker rating at a gazillion. When I hear them, I hear alarm klaxons screeching of an ominous event in the near future. One that I’m going to be one unhappy camper in.
- ” The landlord is here”
- “Your family is here”
- “His family is here”
- “The cops are here”
- “The repo man is here”
- “My (not mine) wife, girlfriend, baby mama is here”
- “My (not mine) ex is here”
- “Your ( mine) ex is here”
- And my son’s absolute fave of all time, ” Hey, watch THIS!”
Pass the Pepto, now it’s your turn…
Those are mine. Do you have any personal faves you’d pay someone to never say to you, or within earshot of you, or even in the same state as you-again? Tell me, I’m dyin’ to know!
- I Laughed Till it Hurt (betweentheearsblog.wordpress.com)