He spoke slowly and carefully
I was musing aloud about the average shelf life the ‘spark’ in a relationship has. My conclusion was that no matter how good you are, or the things you might do to try to break up the routine, unless you tend to be a swing from the chandelier type of couple, that spark does have a shelf life. “Relationships come in stages,” said my other half who isn’t known for waxing poetic. Shooting from the hip, being blunt, a straight shooter, those things, oh yeah, but not for this, I was shocked into utter silence.
“The exploration comes first”
“Relationships have stages,” he said slowly, “The first 3 years is the exploration of the other. That’s when both people are figuring out whether they can live together and not kill each other, and are making sure there are no hidden skeletons or random psychotic tendencies that are going to surprise them before they choose to move further. Building trust”. I was trying to replace the hinge on my jaw, so he continued. Cautiously.
“Next is the assurance stage”
“‘The next stage is like the…assurance stage. Where the couple is showing each other that they honor their commitment to the other person and kind of showing their mettle when dealing with the crap that comes their way. Trial by fire I guess. If both people emerge alive, sane, have all their body parts intact, then comes the last stage” He stopped again, perhaps startled by the deafening sound of silence, casting a wary eye in my direction to be sure I wasn’t arming myself with a projectile to lob at his head or gathering enough breath to volley my retort at him in volumes that the neighbors would be unable not to hear. Seeing neither, he finished.
“Then is the last part”
” The last stage is the longest. When the couple has gone through the trials by fire, and they both still want to be with the other, then that’s just…life. Look, lust does fade, spontaneity is hard to come by, after your life with someone out shadows what you’ve known before. It’s when you try to imagine being without that person and can’t or it just doesn’t seem to make sense, not to be waking up to them, (he looked straight at me) what with their atrocious morning breath, their hair standing on end, bitchin’ about how the other snored all damn night and how they think duct tape may be good idea-then! That’s when you know,” he seemed to have run out of words, probably because he was wondering how to extricate the pillow out of his mouth.
He’s a man of few words but has a helluva action plan
I went to bed that night and hoped I’d fall asleep before he did so I wouldn’t have to hear him suck the contents of our bedroom through a McDonald’s drink straw, and I had to admit that he made sense. I tried to imagine waking up and not being beside him. Not greeting the morning with “Dammit hun, tonight’s the night. I’m duct taping your nose to your forehead, I swear I am!” and I couldn’t. So maybe relationship sparks do have a shelf life, but it doesn’t mean that they die. They change for sure, for sure, but it doesn’t mean the end. I still plan to duct tape his nose to his forehead tonight.
- The 3 Things You Need For A Rock-Solid Relationship (kandysparks.wordpress.com)
- 20 clever uses for duct tape (mnn.com)