Just like Auto Correct fails but not as funny
It starts simply enough, it always does. That’s why I’m always taken unaware, lulled into thinking erroneously of course, that The Gap as I call it, between the 2 adult perceptions, was on temporary vacation this past weekend. To hear him talk about it, I’m a she devil and he’s a…guy, doing guy things. I’m not saying he’s wrong, but…my point is how easy it is to hear what you want to hear in relationships and how easy it is to become angry over what doesn’t matter. Both sides of this are exaggerated. Well…some of it.
“Hey hun, are we planning on getting your grandson this weekend and bringing him back to the house to play with the duckling? I know you aren’t a detail person so I waited to annoy with this til today. Friday. Even though I really wanted to know Monday.”
“Hey dipwad (that’s what he said he heard) since you aren’t doing anything anyway and are horribly tired from working and surfing the net on your cell, to sites I’d prefer not to even think about, I have a great idea! Lets go get my duckling from school and all of us drive the 4 hour round trip to collect your grandson and get back home with the 2 kids whining about the length of the car drive en tow! What do ya think?”
(his translation is: I don’t care how tired you are, let’s do this anyway)
” I know you’re working pretty hard lately with all the responsibility you’ve taken on, and all the new guys to text the fruits of your net surfing to but, can ya just let me know if you’re going to be late coming home? You were 2 1/2 hours late coming home. I just need to know when to send the cavalry out to your rescue, I was worried is all. ”
(his translation is: She wants to put restrictions on me because she thinks I’m cheating on her~rightttt babe)
“Are you cheating on me or what? Seriously, can you at least have enough decency to stop playing on your cell long enough to text me that you’re alive. What kind of jerk are you anyway? ”
(Okay I didn’t even say that stuff. No really! Because if I had said that it would’ve been more along the lines of this…)
“Sooo…think you might grace us with your magnificent presence this evening? Yes? Oh how utterly delightful! What time shall I expect you darling? Would you like to have your microwave dinner that I’ve cooked into a rubber rock waiting for you, when you get here?
Of course he would hear:
” Dinner? Are you joking? Which MRE are you wanting? The roast beef and rock or the rock turkey and stuffing? That’s as good as it gets around here pal, you pain in my detail oriented ass. Oh yeah! Your Mom called looking for you. I just gave her the address of your favorite website and told her to start there. Ha!” (I did say that but he’s worse with a cell than I am-he’ll surf for hours on end, unlike me, who does remember to eat)
(his translation is: You’re horny? HaHa! Bite me, I don’t like you. Go to http://www.inyourdreamsdillweedgoawaybeforeIbustyououtonmyblog, you ingrate! )
Be a hero~ Invent a Gapperator!
See how easy it is to get all balled up over what you thought you heard? Mass chaos. My fondest desire is that of a universal translator for ADHD adults being invented. Obviously, we have a failure…to communicate. Never fails to bite me on the ass. And I totally didn’t say that stuff. He’s just delusional.
- Sunday Funny: Relationship Reality (roxieh.wordpress.com)