The Exception To The Rules Of Life With Murphy’s Law

I Was Busy! Geesh!
I Was Busy! Geesh!

Life is a learning process…and I haven’t passed yet

Have you missed me? Wondered where I wandered off to? I’ve been…busy. I’m learning that the few rules I do have, well… even those have exceptions.

Example.

What follows is a completely true account, no embellishments whatsoever.

I wish there had been a few embellishments. Like my being minus the 8 pounds I’ve picked up. 

Let it never be said…

I’m notorious in my family for putting the hammer down when driving. And staying on it til our destination is reached. I zero in on my selected destination and I just…go.

I hate to stop. For anything. Whether I need gas, have a desperately squirming Duckling riding in the backseat, one who’ll finally yell in exasperation that he just “can’t hold it much longer, and how he’s not kidding”.

I won’t even hit the brakes for a Redneck guy who informs me through gritted teeth, (possibly due to fear of my driving) that if the Duckling does spring a leak in the new car, woe unto…me.

I thought that was the rule and it was never changing.

Yeah, guess what? I was wrong.

 

Exception 

Let it be known far and wide that should I be driving on the highway and a spider (we have a ‘don’t mess with me and I won’t kill you’ agreement, the spiders and I) should fall down my butt crack, thanks to my low riding jeans, when shaken from my a involuntary spasm of a freaking out hand from where it was originally perched.

I will: no ifs, ands, or butts, cross 3 lanes of heavy traffic at top speed, screw the brakes, too busy to flip the bird to all the drivers I may’ve offended, so sorry.

I’m being driven batty from the insane fear that the spider might’ve come with his family, who may or may not be, also perched upon my hand.

(mine is not to question)

I will screech to a stop in the emergency lane. I will get out and in broad, hellaciously bright illuminate every flaw I have, sunny daylight, and I will, without any hesitation shuck out of my jeans to flash the world at large with my underwear clad butt.

(Oh why, why, why did I wear a thong today?!)

I will dance and scream about said spider and I will not care (until later) that I might be the next YouTube star.

Honk if you’re…horny?

Completely true story. It happened this past Tuesday. The semi- drivers had a blast. Literally.

I was saluted with air horns while attempting a spider remover maneuver. And now that it’s over, I sincerely hope that no one had the presence of mind to take a pic.

I doubt they could, because even if they weren’t struck glare-blind from the sun, they were almost certainly blinded from the flash of white skin.

On the off chance they did, just look for a black thong against the kind of white skin that blends into a wall, white skin. You certainly won’t be able to miss that. Yeah that’s me. Yay.

Just be sure to wear your sunglasses.

 

 

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22 thoughts on “The Exception To The Rules Of Life With Murphy’s Law”

    1. LOL!!!

      I hate spiders in my house. Ever since I read that on average, a human being swallows 8 of them in their lifetime while they sleep. If I can’t reach the suckers to flush them down the toilet, I get them with hairspray so they fall down and can’t move. Then I flush them.

      But I’ll definitely remember the spider jump and shout on the side of the road!!!

    2. Oh good gawd, 8?!
      While sleeping?! ugh…

      Maybe the duct tape I use for someone’s snoring
      (I tape his damn nose to his forehead, hey, it works)
      may have another use…Hmmm…

      Hair spray, oh most definitely! LOL
      I’m not usually evil (much) but all bets are off
      when spiders violate the peace treaty! 😉

      Might be a song to that…
      A new version of Twist and Shout…
      Yeah! I wonder…LOL

  1. At least you stopped in the emergency lane. I just would have slamed on the breaks and ran out of the car leaving everyone behind. Did you ever see the episode from FRIENDS where Phoebe and Rachel go running in the park. I look like Phoebe when running away from insects. So imagine that running across the highway.

    My husband and I were on our honeymoon about 3 years ago when I saw a baby tarantula in the bathroom. I screamed bloody murder and scared my husband into nearly running out of the hotel room. I ran after him and proceeded to scream spider. He slowly crept into the bathroom with me somewhat hanging of his back in fear that the spider would jump. For about two or three minutes we argued back and forth on who’s turn it was to kill the spider. I won. I told him to grow a pair and be a man.
    He then told me to grab something to kill the spider with and I gave him one of those glasses that are always placed in the hotel bathrooms, to which he replied, “What the fuck am I going to do with this?” “Sorry. I crack under pressure.” I ran out of the bathroom and brought my husband his sneaker. The look he gave me was one where I thought I was going to get smacked with the shoe. I told him since his feet a larger, his shoe would cover more ground.
    The Hubby aim and smacked the spider with so much force that we heard a loud crunch. Shriveled up, the baby tarantula was about 1 inch in diameter.

    1. Hi there! 🙂

      Welcome to my insanity. LOL

      Okay, you had me at the image of Phoebe running~
      I often resemble that myself when confronted face to…
      eyeballs (spiders don’t have much of a face, so I’m told)
      and forced to flee for my life. Well, that and dancing. LOL

      Geesh and I thought that the little brown black furry thing
      (yeah but he’s got big teeth! Dammit, no more from the peanut gallery today!)
      was bad, and it was-oh it was. A day maker for some truckers though.

      I’m still praying I don’t see my butt on You Tube with terrible
      music dubbed in (if you do find it. let me know, we’ll need much better music)
      but a baby tarantula, yeah…gonna need a minute here…gah!
      I’d have pushed my guy in front of me and said “Eat him! He’s a redneck!”
      and run away. 😉

      When it comes to spiders, my guy knows
      he’ll be sacrificed for the greater good.
      Then he’ll stomp it and mutter mean things about me
      before walking away. I love my guy. LOL

    2. My man tries to push me towards the spiders or other creepy crawlers. We usually have to duke it out. I mean, I always win, but still. It’s very scary. Okay, I’m going to stop talking about this because I have goosebumps all over now. Blech.

    3. Glad to know I’m not the only one~
      with the creepy crawlies! 😉

      I’m jumping at nothing! LOL
      Odd isn’t it? The way we react?
      Well maybe not. My sister tangled with a brown recluse.

      She tells my kiddo her battle scar is the result of taking a bullet in a mini mart.
      Yeah…I’d get mad but then she tells him to stay in school so…eh…
      I have to let that one slide 😉

    4. Whoa! That’s crazy. A couple of months ago, The Hubby and I were walking to our car and we saw a HUG spider on the left fender right about the front wheel. I started screaming (As Usual) and he panicked and hid behind me. I was all like, “WTF?!” So put me aside and stomped at the spider leaving a small dent in the car. How do you like them apples? LOL.

    5. I know this reaction all too well
      (sigh) Men are…well…not always like the stories we were told, huh?
      Hell, if I were waiting on my knight in shining armor,
      with my luck, I’d end up with
      the one who wouldn’t stop and ask directions! 😉

    6. My hubby never asks for DIRECTIONS! EVER! I’m his navigation. Without me, he’d get lost. Damn fairy tales. Men never slay the dragons or monsters.

    7. Yeah, mine too. Has GPS but asks CeeLee, the often clueless.
      Go figure.

      Fairy tales just set me up for a candid camera moment.
      Now if they said something like
      has tendency to watch NasCar, yell Yeah! for no reason,
      and drink the occasional beer, I’d have been prepared but nooo…

    8. False advertising. I say we ask for a refund. Well, not really. My youth is gone so might as well keep what I got. LOL. Dogs are also a great alternative. Except for the beastiality. I am not advertising sex with dogs. They’re just better because they don’t talk back and they snuggle with you.

    9. I’m with ya
      I have a Rottie named Luce(ifer)
      She’s much better at snuggling
      and she’s not known for yelling “YEAH!” for no reason
      I love her because she loves me with all my ADHD idiosyncrasies
      (in a non weirdo and non beastiality way~what’s with that anyway? yech!) LOL

    10. I have a cat. I used to have a dog but he had to get put down because of cancer. 😦
      Now my cat only snuggles with me when it’s convenient for him. He also gives me weird looks like you are so stupid sometimes. If animals could talk we would all be screwed.

    1. No, it’s even better when it’s really the way you are! Looks, charm, great personality…it’s now wonder your family loves you so much!

      A great gal, CeeLee…

      Skip 🙂 xo

    2. Looks, charm, great personality…Wow!
      People are going to start thinking I paid you to say that.
      I didn’t…did I? 😉

      Thank you Skip lol

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