“Why Can’t You Be Normal?!” ADHD and Couples

Anger and ADHD

“But I have no idea of what normal is!” I yelled back

Sweet, right? I know.

One of the worst fights I’ve ever had in a relationship and I doubt I’ll forget it. Don’t get me wrong, fights are bound to happen no matter who you are or how meticulously you tend your relationship.

The Redneck and I have had more than our fair share of battles over the years and probably are over what might be considered the quota for a “normal” couple to have.

A normal couple in which neither partner brings adult ADHD to the table, that is.

It was the frustration in his voice that cut most

I felt awful. I couldn’t explain to him, this weird redneck guy who was light years out of my usual guy dating-range, the gruff voiced man with a heart of gold who I was by then, completely head over heels in love with (and still am) why I did things the way I did.

Or how I arrived at the conclusions I did, said conclusions that were so obviously off base.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry?” It was the only answer I had

How could I get him to understand what I couldn’t understand myself? I only knew that I felt differently, thought differently, and talked differently than him.

I had been diagnosed with adult ADHD 2 years prior to meeting him and was still learning myself. I felt like a total goob loser, I mean if the redneck felt like this and he is, technically speaking anyway, a “normal” guy, or at least sans ADD/ADHD, then what was my deal? I lacked the words.

It. Sucked.

“Babe, you know I love you-ALL of you,
even when you talk so fast that my head spins-right?”

I did know and I still do know this. Sappy as it sounds, I can’t imagine being with anyone else but that crabby in the morning redneck guy who loves me, despite me.

It’s the old fashioned kind of love I dreamed of having, after I had overdosed on too many happily ever afters as a kid.


But having his Understanding ADHDers Behavior sure would’ve helped me.

Eh, we live and we do learn. Eventually.


ADHD/ADD and Relationships

14 thoughts on ““Why Can’t You Be Normal?!” ADHD and Couples”

    1. Good morning Cat! 🙂

      Love the name by the way lol
      Thank you so much for stopping by the Adult Pool
      and for your comment. 🙂

      Oh yes, we worked it out. We always do.
      That particular battle was 2 years ago, when the redneck and I
      were still in that cautious get to know you, can I live with you and
      each of us making sure that neither party has any deal breaker tendencies
      like being a psycho (we don’t) LOL

      Though the misunderstandings and communication snafus
      still occasionally rear their ugly heads~it’s become less fierce.

      If you can love someone, can accept and be willing to deal
      with the faults they can’t change (even if both people want to~and we both do)
      then you’ve got a good thing going, in my opinion. 🙂

      Trust me, it works both ways. I have to accept his family. 😉
      That can be a hellacious challenge as they’re extroverts and I’m-not.
      Among other things.

      I wanted to show how it’s like to be in a relationship from the ADHD/ADDer side
      with a person who isn’t. But that’s just my particular brand, everyone is different of course.

  1. I hate trying to explain, showing articles etc. Because then I expect people to remember and to get it. It frustrates me when they forget or don’t associate certain behaviours with what they learned. So now, I just say “Oh well, I yam what I yam”…like Popeye:)

    1. Heya Jeg!

      Great to see you, I’ve missed you lately!
      I’ve been a tad busy but loved the posts re:the cats. 🙂

      It’s frustrating to me, his not remembering that some of the very things
      that drive him bonkers are doing the same for me, but all I can do is reinforce that idea.
      Just maybe not at top volume or perhaps not with a hammer (just kidding, no really!)

      The struggles over doing some of the menial day to day tasks are tough enough,
      but trying to juggle all of that and a Duck, pets who chase possums in the house,
      work, remembering to pick up the Duck from school, the blog, NaNoWriMo and-whoo!
      Yup. It just makes me giggle and that makes him nervous. Smart man. 😉

      Relationships aren’t easy, but if you can laugh and keep going, eh…
      doesn’t get much better. Okay, so yeah, it can be wwayy better but
      I love him and have to accept all of his faults too. 😉

  2. Damn and here is me thinking why I cannot be crazy. Seems so much more fun.
    The quirky stuff makes you unique.
    keep smiling.And stay YOU after all It is YOU he wants, and he will help you find you

    1. LOL @ Crow~

      You know what they say…
      Crazy is as crazy does and we all have some form or another. 😉
      The quirks that make me unique are still quirks that are no walk in the park.
      Hell there are many days I irritate myself for being…myself! (think on that one awhile)

      But at the end of the day, when I find his socks everywhere but the hamper,
      a dog on the couch (a no-no) or wrenches in the washing machine, I can still fall
      asleep next to him and be comforted by him snoring directly into my ear each night
      and know we did okay. 😉

    2. Than when you do irritate yourself. do you also yell at the mirror.
      They are quirks in the end. just that it was a hill in that park. I still enjoyed the environment and experience. so there..Don’t think so bad about yourself.
      At the end of the day you made it together. And tomorrow might be better.

    3. Exactly 🙂

      Well said Crow.

      I have a plethora of ways to take my aggression out lately.
      Unsuspecting flower bulbs needing relocation, running around with Duck,
      driving fast-without Duck, (looks innocent) what?
      Myriad ways, infinite possibilities. 🙂

  3. Oh, the woes of ADHD and relationships! I’m sure TDH understands his frustration very well.
    He’s ‘normal’.
    And he loves it when I’m all bouncy. Not so much when I forget that I was supposed to cook tonight but did bring sauce for TOMORROW.

    Not related but: What do you mean with ‘redneck’? Haha. In South-Africa it’s used by Afrikaners to refer to the English (English speaking South-Africans OR the British English if that’s convenient) … Rooinekke.

    1. I agree Busy,

      TDH and the redneck have much in common. I’ll bet they’d have a great time commiserating about all manner of ‘forgetfulness’ among our other lovable qualities. 😉

      Rooinekke=the African sun burns your lovely white neck red.

      Redneck=a person who lives in a small town or in the country especially in the southern U.S.
      It sounds as though the 2 terms are pretty close!

      I’ll add from my personal experiences with one~
      – The tendency to yell “Yeah!” for no reason
      – Shirts are an option in the summer.
      -An unhealthy attraction to watching cars going ’round in a circle. For HOURS 😉

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