”If you do it you’ll regret it, if you don’t do it you’ll regret it,
either way you’re going to regret it, you might as well just do it.”
It’s Friday. My NanowriMo writing is…plodding along and and I enjoy having the quiet. But that’s about to change. In exactly 2.5 hours, my sanity will be bombarded by maleness. All sorts of maleness and not even the sexy kind. Just the loud, stinky and the ick exhibitions. I’m protective of my sanity, it’s not easy juggling everything I have going on and so I’m desperate enough to conceive my escape plan. Don’t judge, you would be too.
Nowhere to run
In the house still small enough to have been built by mice, for mice, there is nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. I know this, I’ve looked already. It’s raining outside so the two boys in question are going to be energized and bored. Lethal combo. For me. Ever see a NasCar race? They’ll be running laps inside this house. And yeah, I know it’s me, I know I’m old and not cool and apparently developed an intolerance to testosterone, or so Duck has informed me. So I’m getting out of here if it’s the last thing I do.
My Gimme 3 Steps (to the door) Plan
It’s risky but then again, so is remaining here.
I will engage the 2 kids by using the element of surprise.
“Aw…would you look at that, your favorite show is on! I know you don’t want to miss it!”
“I made some dinner for you. I know you must be hungry, since we all started the day at 6am.” fake laugh
(I’m the only one who started at 6am)
“Oh look who’s home! The man who has his drivers license and can take you to…McD’s Play Land! Yay! Get him!”
They’ll swarm the unsuspecting redneck like a pack of wild dogs and I can make my escape out the door with a semi-realistic cover.
I’ll say offhandedly, “Hun, I’ve got to run to…(insert whatever fits) the grocery, laundromat, loony bin, nearest bar, hair dresser, etc and then…I’ll RUN AWAY.
I’ll run away laughing so the redneck becomes aware of what just happened but with no time in which to retaliate. Hey, it could work.
“Tell me I’m clever, Tell me I’m kind, Tell me I’m talented, Tell me I’m cute, Tell me I’m sensitive, Graceful and wise, Tell me I’m perfect – But tell me the truth.” By Shel Silverstein
Nah, just lie to me. I like it better. 😉
- Sometimes, You Just Have to Laugh. (cicampbellblog.wordpress.com)