I was the Kid who made That Kid look good: Now I’m an Angry Mom

Life as I Know it with ADHD
Everyone remembers “that kid” in school. The one who never had a single hair out-of-place, always produced the right answer for any question, and got straight A’s merely by showing up for class. Or so it seemed.

Remember that kid?

Yeah. I wasn’t that kid.

But I sat next to them.

I think the teacher deliberately made the seating arrangement that way. My hair wasn’t ever not mussed, a shoelace trailed behind me when I walked, and I never. Ever. Had the right answer.

I was the kid who made “that kid” look even better by comparison.

“That kid” was bright and energetic, outgoing and considered to be cool and sophisticated by the IT crowd. “That kid” was my complete opposite.

I was the “quietly messy and completely distracted kid”

While I wasn’t exactly an introvert, that came later, it became painfully obvious in the 4th grade that I wasn’t going to stand out for my people person qualities.  For all of my shyness and lack of vocal talent, never was I mistaken for the “perfect kid”. I got in trouble often, though it wasn’t for passing notes or talking.

The teacher didn’t care for my reading Stephen King during class instead of participating like the others.

I still wonder whether it was my choice in reading material or my choice to read during class, that made her the angriest. She was amazed over my audacity.

The height of rudeness, she told my parents.

The way I saw it, was why bother? I knew “that kid” had it covered. Let them have the limelight, I prefer to read, thank you. I was grounded umpteen times but it didn’t stop me..

I grew taller, got older, and continued to read. My tendencies and quirks were given an explanation of ADHD and armed with a better understanding of why I was the way I was, I could move on.

Except.

My preferences for the company of a book over real life kept me from learning the give and take of a conversation, the small talk made to pass the time, the normal everyday communication. And I’m paying for it.

Duck isn’t “that kid” or the “perfect kid” or any other label

He’s my son

I’m his Mom

And I can’t give him what he needs so badly. I can’t teach him social skills when I barely have any myself.

Do you know what isn’t fair?

Know what cuts deepest without even touching you?

I do.

It’s having a child who means the world to you. One who needs your help and guidance. One who needs what you cannot give them, because you don’t have it to give.

Put yourself in my place, just for a minute and see how that feels. Then you can tell me I’m wrong and that life is fair.

No, really.  Tell me.

Because it sure doesn’t feel that way from where I’m sitting. ADHD is something I’ve had to learn to work-around, make compromises with and to accept. The benefits of it are what I normally blog about, because in my case-the pros outweigh the cons.

But today?

Screw you ADHD

You don’t play fair

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37 thoughts on “I was the Kid who made That Kid look good: Now I’m an Angry Mom”

  1. Hi CeeLee 😀

    I like your new theme. Easy for me to find my way to the changing rooms 😉

    It is such a shame that you can’t do what you want to do with Duck. Blinking ADHD !!!

    Your writing is brilliant as usual, I really felt for you (not felt you 😉 )

    Ralph xox ❤

    1. Thank you on both the blog theme as well as the writing compliment 🙂
      I debated posting this today (for about 2 seconds) hit publish and voila’.
      “Post angry. The whole new way to blog!”
      heh…righttt…I’m feeling a tad raw.
      My frustration level is pretty well managed until the problem is Duck
      and my inability to do what ‘normal’ moms can do. That sets me off every time.
      No worries. I’m going to go vent what’s left on the weeds in the garden.
      When I come back in, all will be back to happy-go-lucky once more. 🙂
      Hugs
      CeeLee

  2. You can always help your son. If you cannot ask help from a friend, from uncle, aunty whoever. You can always give something to him directly or indirectly. If you love him you will find a way. Just trust yourself a little bit. Good luck 🙂

    1. Hi and thank you 🙂
      I normally don’t write angry, I guess there’s an exception to every rule.
      And you’re right, I can get help from others-I already have.

      It’s frustrating, my inability to do what others wouldn’t even think about,
      that’s what gets to me. I want to be able to do that myself.
      I suppose that as long as Duck gets what he needs, it shouldn’t matter from whom.
      eh…it’s a work in progress 🙂

    2. I can understand you want to be more involved. You can too. Ask other friend parents how are they doing it, in other matters you can take help from anyone you trust. Yeah its about your kid now. That is right attitude, its work in progress, so one way or the other you will find a way. Unless you are trying. Good luck 🙂

    3. I may have anemic social skills, but tenacity and the willingness (stubborness)
      to keep at something until it breaks, gives up, or I win-I’ve an overabundance of lol
      I’ll never stop trying. Not when it concerns the most important person in my life. 🙂

      Which could be bad news for Duck when he hits the teenage years 😉
      Thank you so much for commenting. It means a lot to me.
      Feel free to visit anytime, I usually don’t post-rage. 😉

  3. Having raised several kids (with varying degrees of success,) the best parenting advice I could ever offer is that once given to me via a chance encounter with a random individual…

    “Listen To Your Children”

    The only way you are going to know the heartfelt needs of your child is to listen. Never expect that they will listen to you… that is much too much to expect from a young mind… but if they know you are always listening you will be giving them all they need to know about communication.

    For every 27,000 inane conversations about cartoons and video games there may be one sentence (or fraction of a sentence) that will prove the value of a parent willing to put their world on hold to absorb the speech of their child.

    It’s not easy – nobody ever said parenting was – but it is worth it… of course you knew that already 😀

    1. Truer words…parenting isn’t easy.
      Yep, nailed that one. 😉
      And thank you, both for the kindness as well as the advice.
      What you said about listening to your child and their listening (or lack thereof)
      certainly rings true. 🙂

      It’s nice to know that even when I get so upset
      as to let my anger rampage through a blog post,
      there are people around kind enough to comment despite that.

      If you don’t know by now, I’m always glad to see you here and I definitely welcome your comments.
      The next time around it’ll be about happier, funnier circumstances. I promise 🙂

  4. This post rang so very true for me!! For all of my daughter’s ADHD and Anxiety, she STILL has better social skills than I. Thank goodness.
    I know the feeling all too well of not being able to give my child what she needs, or of feeling totally helpless to assist her, and that feeling is worse than any knife in the heart. But.. We keep trying for those that mean everything to us, and most days we succeed far more than we think we do. Keep hanging in there. Hugs.

    1. Thanks Kristi, hugs are very appreciated right now 🙂
      You made a good point about succeeding more than we realize.

      I sincerely hope that’s the case with this problem.
      I’d be overjoyed to be able to grin and…you know…relax? LoL
      Because this is the only area that my having ADHD isn’t a benefit
      in some way or the other. Thank you for understanding 🙂

    2. Relax?? What’s that?? I think I’ve heard of this foreign thing people refer to as relaxing, but not sure I’ve ever experienced it for myself.
      You’re right, we can actually think of many ways that ADHD benefits us, but boy, those things that it makes more difficult, it REALLY makes more difficult!
      I think you are doing great…

    3. ROFL Okay Kristi, point well made.
      So, if you ever do encounter relaxation, provided it’s not in a dark alley-
      let me know what it’s like. 😉

      Not to be a name dropper, I’m more intimately aquainted with terms with like…
      whoops, oopsie, stress, oh crap!, anxiety, and hyperfocus crash.
      It’s a rough crowd I hang with LOL

      All jokes aside, thank you. I know you get it 🙂

  5. OK so time for me to add my twp cents. ~~checks pocket~~ Damn all I have is a nickle. Well you can have that .

    Having read the blog post and gotten a few thoughts from that and then reading the comments posted as well got some other thoughts.

    Now all this “advice” comes from some one with no children of his own so take it with a grain of salt and a slice of lime. It has been said that it takes a village to raise a child, even though the originator of this little cliche is unknown to me,. there is truth in it. And as Eat All Fresh stated you can call upon this village when the help is needed and as you said you have already called the village for said assistance, I just hope you didnt call the village foole, they do serve some help but usually as bad examples. 😀

    I also was not that kid. My social skills fall just below that of a rock, even my pet rock ran away ;D, and getting lost in a good book was always a great place for me and then video games came along and whisked my mind away to wonderful lands with great visuals to go along with them

    1. Your nickel, pretty pennies, and any other form of currency is gladly accepted here Forrest LoL

      And whether you are a parent or not, you make sense. 🙂 Yes it does take a village and yes I can call upon said village for help. I just wish sometimes that I didn’t have to.

      Tending to your child’s needs is something Moms just do. So when I can’t do what comes so naturally because ADHD steps in the way and intercepts- it hurts me.
      I know that sounds selfish, my wanting to do it all. I’m not wanting to be SuperMom- just being Normal Mom would suit me fine 🙂

    2. I’m glad. 🙂
      I do realize how my (oh let’s be honest) my whining, might appear selfish and rather silly but its not intended as such. I simply want to do what should be natural but in my case isn’t.

      I know you understand, you always do and its one of many reasons I consider you to be a good friend. 🙂
      That was my making sure everyone understood too 😉

  6. My son is in need of me… I do my best but it isn’t always enough to spare me the realization that he needs more… I improve because changing him is not my job any more. He is past that stage. Changing me changes him.

    How do you fail socially – ignore that you know the “right” answers and check this out – keep the answers and compare what you really do with what you know is :”right” because now you have the gap areas that you can improve upon with awareness and some practice.

    http://www.queendom.com/tests/access_page/index.htm?idRegTest=3129

    What do you think?

    1. I think that the test was very…enlightening.
      And that’s putting it mildly. 🙂
      Thank you Eric-I was surprised several times over when I got the results.
      I know what I need to work on. Much appreciated. 🙂

    2. I scored 68 and I know the answers well enough to score much higher… so, my guess is that what you discover you need is the difficult part to change about you – that is certainly true about me. I am an introvert by choice – actually my introvert score is a point of two less than my extrovert score… so, there is one area that I act differently from my nature… repressing my extrovert. Anyway, you see from the result that the outcome is based really just on preferences and your beliefs (like mine) are what is driving your preferences and perceptions are what is behind it all. The ego really is the broker of the choices – it has your perceptions and preferences to move you about and it does so with ease until you can gently begin to transcend it – when it completely dawns in us that the ego is not really our own thoughts, it become easy to not attack it – it isn’t real – so attacking it is useless… it cannot be driven out… it has to disintegrate all on its own.
      Let me know if I can be of any further assistance.
      I am happy for you.
      Some of your struggle is unnecesry and you will find you can stop fighting some of the struggle.
      Blessings…
      ~ Eric

    3. I took some time to reflect on my score and the suggestions that were made
      and then considered what you’ve shared so generously here, in your comment.
      And before I forget-thank you for sharing this with me. 🙂

      I’ve been proud of my learning to pause or even stop and take time to mull over things,
      rather than speed through them as I’m more inclined on doing. 🙂

      It is my ego that is causing me to struggle,
      especially when it concerns something beyond my control.
      I react based on my fear of what may happen versus what has happened.

      I know that the fear is a product my own perceptions.And that is what needs working on.

      Becoming aware of the problem is merely the 1st step and I’m nowhere near the finish line.
      But its a good start, right? 🙂

  7. I have a moment only … yes… BUT – just want to say; we all have some of that same problem it seems… the ego is a master of deceptions. Perception and fear – common problem – at least you are aware… stay as fit as you are able and your always open and willingness is a good thing… Blessings…
    ~ Eric

    1. I will always try to do my best. That’s all I can promise. Thanks for stopping by Eric. Even if just for a moment. 🙂

    2. Never worry that I won’t understand the need for quiet.
      It’s a daily quest of mine 😉

      And a retreat with no tech…I’m curious.
      Did you have withdrawals or anything?
      If I had the chance to do such and it was a no-tech retreat, I’d be antsy for the 1st day and not wanting to leave by the last LOL

    3. I did have a relaxing weekend of it.It was only weird before I got there that there was no technology. Some walked the 1/4 mile or more to get cell phone access. I suppose I really do spend too much time at a computer.

      You ought to take some time. If you search a bit, you’ll find groups near you that meet. Once you make a few mindfulness friends, maybe go on a weekend with some.

      Being inner peace is our means to being sane. With Holy Spirit, all is well.

      Blessings CeeLee
      ~ Eric

  8. Hey, CeeLee
    I just got o reading this post (I have been a tad busy for he lat 6 months!), and da*# it all, you hit one of my biggest fears right on the head. How the heck am I going to teach my little Boo the social skills he needs when I don’t have them? I have no idea what I will tell him about how to make a friend, how to join a group, how to ask a group to play at recess,how to deal with teasing or bullying…I could go on and on. If you find an answer, please tell me!

    1. Hiya Margaret!
      Great to see you around 🙂
      Yeah you’ve been busy but in a great way, not like my own personal definition of busy, which is just procrastination wearing a harried looking mask and a sign that says…right.

      So anyway, I’ve no answers except for the one I hate most.

      Let them experience it for themselves and they will learn better. But you’ve got some time before you go through all the angst and teeth gnashing, you lucky dog. But feel free to borrow Duck anytime you feel like walking on the middle school-er side 🙂

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