What if my “what ifs” turned my job search into a talk show

 

It's My Life, My ADHD-Every Tuesday on http://swimintheadultpool.com

My online job search is going. On the plus side, I have two interviews for this week-woohoo!

On the other hand, I know the search would be doing better if I could find the off button to my what-if’s. Simplistic in design, they have one mission.

To destroy me.  Using whatever means necessary to accomplish their task, these little jerks do a bang up job. It’s too bad they don’t work for me. I might have been a millionaire by now.For instance.

What-if…

My what-ifs turned my job search into a talk show?

“Welcome to “It Isn’t Me-It’s My Damn ADHD!” Talk Show.

Please help me to welcome our first guests to the stage, 

she calls them the Terminators of her determination, the “What Ifs.”

Really? The what ifs can’t be that bad, can they?

 

“Let’s roll the clip taken this morning, direct from CeeLee’s thoughts.”

Okay. Time to focus. Today is all about jobs.

Here we go.

Damn laptop, why can’t you behave? “Run as administrator” doesn’t imply a request. You sack of monkey-censored-you can kiss my-censored-when you take a flying-censored.

Hmmm…better write this down, so I can remember. Verbal threats are effective against laptop defiance.

Ten minutes later…Ah. Finally.

Jobs, jobs, jobs…aha! Job boards. Oh cool, there’s a position open for a delivery driver. I could do that.

So what if I don’t have a resume that reflects my umpteen years of racing, driving. My associates degree isn’t in fry slinging either, but I can show them easily enough.

Yeah, but what-if…

I was a delivery driver for medical supplies, and I was racing to beat the clock, and I got hit by a bus, train, kite, a flying armadillo?

That would be bad.

Right, but  just say, what-if…

I need to think more positively. I’m positive that were I to be hit by-no, no, no.  Dammit!

Take two.

Okay. Instead of my getting hit by random flying objects and/or animals unlucky enough to be launched from Gawd knows where, what-if I started a whole new trend for drifting in a delivery truck?

Well yeah, I know I could do that but then again…

Crap! I did it again. Oohh, I hate having a-censored-and I’m just going to-censoredcensoredcensored!

“Wow. Just. Wow.”
On that note, thanks for tuning into It Isn’t Me-It’s My Damn ADHD!”
The non-reality show that made Jerry Springer smack his director
out of jealousy. Brought to you in part by,

Be Proud, Be Creative, Go ADHD (and get a job!)

and…

Margo’s ADHD Brain’s A-Fire BBQ sauce,

Because your brain just ain’t completely fried til you smell the BBQ.”

 

 

Advertisements

27 thoughts on “What if my “what ifs” turned my job search into a talk show”

    1. Hi Ned 🙂
      The grocery may have it already, its not in the BBQ aisle like we would, understandably of course, assume it would be.

      But that’s normal and we’re dealing with the opposite of everything normal.

      Try the hardware/electronics aisle. Bet you’ll find it next to the surge protectors. 😉

  1. I have always preferred “have aeronautical intercourse on a highly motivated piece of fried pastry”
    And if you are really worried about what you may hit just imagine that it is possum. That may help. 😉

    And just curious is that a sweet BBQ sauce or a spicy one.

    1. Oh its a sweet sauce until the 3rd bite. Then its got a bit of a mule kick to it.

      But you wont care. Much like a shot of Jagermeister, after the 1st couple shots, you no longer care. Mostly because all your taste buds have been burned off. 😉

      Possums flying at random…yeah, I think that’d be okay, considering the chaos they’ve caused and the grudge I still hold lol

      Aeronautical intercourse-hey! Wanna help me rework my résumé? Bet I’ll have employers aching to hire me. 😉

  2. I really think that you would be an excellent character on The Muppets CeeLee. I think you would fit in well. Just joking !! ❤

    1. Odd…so many of my high school teachers said the same thing. Except they weren’t kidding 😉

      That’s okay Ralph, I know you’re kidding. The reason I’m still laughing is because you’re telling me I look like a Muppet, but you are all dolled up in hot pink Speedos.

      Anyone else see the irony there? 😉

  3. Ha ha I smiled.
    I found that BBQ sauce but it cost me my sanity. and taste buds.
    Ever roamed that supermarket trying to find that one sauce and they tell you to go every where
    corners are not left untouched or turned. dragging your feet across the filthy floor. being walked on and knowing the damn isle lay out better than those who work there.
    But not job for me.
    Opening time till closing time and going home with a bunch of condiments and ingredients to make some of your own.

    I am fried al right but I managed to give that rotten piece of brain a BBQ flavour to be jealous of.
    Try it once and you will never taste the flavours of another sauce again.
    This commercial has been made possible by Walmart and ADHD insurance company. No tongue and brain was harmed during this filming.

    1. Woowhee! So there is a brain out there more fricasseed than my own…I’d never have guessed 😉
      Good one Crow. Ever consider going into advertising? LoL

    1. Hi Cutter,
      Cool. I’ll keep that in mind.
      Delivery truck drifting appears to be tough on anyone’s nerves. Maybe I should see if they need extras. Just in case 😉

  4. Hang in there and take very deep breaths! This post, however, still made me smile because I see so much of me in there. I am currently in the market for some BBQ sauce that not only has the power to fry my ADHD brain, but one I could also use to pour generously on the what if creatures causing them to curl up into a ball and die.

    1. Deep breaths-check. 😉
      BBQ sauce as a form of pest control…you may be on to something Kristi.
      No, no, not in reality, though I’m sure it would work-more like a story.
      Hey, if Stephen King could scare people with Christine, is it that far fetched? 😉
      Up next, escaping reality through evasive imagination manuevers.

    1. I’m tempted, I’ll be honest.
      But you’re going to do the tech right?
      Filming and such? I mean I’m good, no doubts there 😉
      but don’t think I can multi-task both.
      We’re all human, gimme a break. Tech hates me lol

    2. Uh huh…and you didn’t just watch me dance and pull a vital butt muscle? Poor Ned got bowled over when I did my stayin’ alive dance fever move and you think I can drive any bet-yeah…you’re right. I can totally do it. I’ll need to find a truck…lemme get back with you on that 😉

    1. Thanks Lana 🙂
      Those interviews didn’t quite turn out the way I’d hoped, but it all worked out anyway.

I love getting comments. It's as close to being famous as I'll ever get.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s