“Hold on loosely, but don’t let go.”
I think most everybody born before the year 2000 knows of the song by 38 Special. Call me a rock traitor if you will, but I hate that song.
Just not for why you might think. My hate stems from my inability to let go.
Successful application of the concept, my letting go, is as easy for me, as it would be for you to say…
In its complete entirety with your mouth stuffed full of Saltine crackers, while your body is rocketing down the Schlitterbahn water slide at speeds alternating between the mild, ‘Non-surgical face-lift’ and the more exhilerating, ‘high colonic via bathing suit’.
Because I’m betting the odds of your being successful in verbalizing anything other than AAHH!!, much less all those troublesome syllables during your date with terror and g-forces in a clearly vain attempt to recapture your youthful glory and and that of my letting go with any modicum of grace and dignity are…
I’m thinking are roughly about the same.
It’d be easier for all of us if I were to cut to the chase and state that the aforementioned lack thereof doesn’t happen to be on the list with the rest of my various and many splendored talents.
The fact is, it’d be much more accurate for me to admit that I’m downright terrible at it.
Because you might get a few syllables out on that ride to meet your thrill destiny but my having to say the words “Bye, Duck, I love you.”
Then letting him go and not wanting to cry, well…isn’t looking like its going to get any easier.
Maybe its my having ADHD and the big emotions that come with it. My having to feel everything more intensely than everyone else (makes me the life of every party, yannow).
Maybe because Duck is growing so fast now and I enjoy being with him so much, maybe both, all or neither, who knows?
I can tell you the sun shines less brightly when the car door closes.
That the day doesn’t feel quite the same.
The low whisper of what good things may come and possibilities of cool stuff to explore, that is, if you just believe, fade away to a pained silence instead.
The waiting for his return begins. And yeah, it sucks.
It’s gotta be love to suck that bad.
So there are other lessons in letting go I’m having to learn this summer. Some stuff ranking really high on the suckage meter and some not so.
I’ll be here as much as I can and blogging about things decidedly less sucky, just not as often as I’d like.
I’ll be trying to answer and leave comments but will be more delayed than usual. No worries, just life related suckage.