The Things I Forgot

Consistency has never been one of my strong suits.

Consistency in…well?  Pick a category, any category and you’d guess right.

As far back as I can remember, or to be more accurate, since the time that the decisions were completely mine to make, I’ve never failed to follow my interests. No matter what it may be, I pursue my quarry relentlessly.

I’ll capture it, that interest of mine, and hold it hostage until I’ve mastered every aspect, down to the tiniest detail. I’ll live it, breathe it, and I’ll love it passionately.

Until I don’t.

It goes without saying that living this way isn’t easy and comes with more than its fair share of repercussions. Oh boy, does it ever.

Thing is, I believe that life should be lived to the fullest, that we should aim to pack in as many experiences as we possibly can. After all, we only get one shot, right? This is how I’ve rationalized my need for change and the insatiable desire to stretch my limits past what I previously thought possible.

Except.

Except I somehow forgot all of these things for two whole years.

Somehow I forgot how I’ve always held this private fear that if I were to stop my interest chasing, I might sort of wither inside and kind of drift away. It’s a theory that I’ve never cared to put to the test and yet, I did.

The only reason I know that I forgot these things is that I had an opportunity come by in the form of a job outside any of the fields I’ve previously worked and with it, a chance to once again, push my own limits. I took it. And I’m so glad I did.

The coolest part though, is that I didn’t expect to have to reach so far down inside myself to be brave enough to take on the challenge or that it would be so daunting. But it was and I did it.

See, now I have the answer of what will happen if I stagnate and begin to drift, not caring much beyond the day-to-day survival.

Fear happens.

Fear of what is, what could be, and the what-ifs of

“But what if I can’t do this? It’s something I’ve never even imagined, much less attempted. ”

That’s what fills the void.

I hope won’t ever forget again. Because if I do, I may not get that piece of me back. And that would majorly suh-huh-huck.

That’s the piece holds the knowledge of just how enjoyable it is to alive and what makes me who I am, good and bad. Even if it means I’ll forever be changing my interests as often as I change my clothes, I’ll take on all of that.

Because I’ll be alive and not just pretending to be.

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24 thoughts on “The Things I Forgot”

    1. Hey Mike
      It’s good to see you as well 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by, I do believe things are calming down on my end so (hopefully),you’ll be seeing more me around.

      Things are different, yeah, but at least they are slightly more sedate 😉

  1. So good to see your name pop up in my email. Hope you are doing well. You still run through my thoughts from time to time 🙂

    1. Ms Regina,
      it’s been a long time since we were able to chat.
      I’m doing much better, thanks.
      I still think about you too. I hope you and yours are happy and healthy.
      Great to hear from you 🙂

    1. Hiya Kristie!!
      Awesome to “see” you back.
      I’m glad you liked the post, I’m finally getting on more of a routine and hope to be back to writing on a consistent (ha and ha) basis again very soon.

      So look for me, I’ll be visiting your blogs to catch up just as soon as I can.

  2. Wait your not a zombie are you… or a vampire back from the dead.
    Just asking you never know if I need a pitch fork to poke you.. Or get eating tons of garlic.

    Yeah fearsome right. Imagine getting your brain eaten by a crow.

    We all have fear in our life, no exceptions. It is how we go on about it.
    good to see you got your head back screwed on. some how right. I just been the same old dumb bird. You have been missed. Shame I heard little from you CeeLee

    Big welcome back hugs

    1. …checks in mirror…
      Hmmm…still warm so that rules out my being dead or undead as it were,
      but that may change at any time. May need to keep the pitchfork handy just in case lol

      Hey there Crow, I’ve missed you too.
      Hugs back to you
      P.S. My brains may currently be scattered, smothered, and covered
      but they aren’t bright shinies and are therefore off limits ya big goof 😉

  3. Heeyyyyy Ceeeeee !! OMG !! You are back ! Gosh I missed you around here. How are you?! How’s everything?

    Judging from this post seems like there are lot of changes happening in your life. Well change is inevitable they tell me sigh
    But seems like you are keeping a positive outlook at things…As I’ve read “One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.” –
    Henry Ford

    Wish you the best of luck in life. Lots of love and big warm hugs,
    Zee ❤

    1. Heeyyyy right back atcha Zeeee! 🙂

      Yup, I’m back, hopefully to stay this time around. And I’ve missed you too. Yes, lots of changes are happening, most of them good, so no complaints from my corner. Great quote by the way, definitely apt for my situation. Oohh man, I’ve missed you lol
      Hugs and love,
      CeeLee~

    2. Yaeeyy, hoping to see you more often then Cee !! Good to know life has been kind to you all this while. And I hope it stays that way.

      Have a great day ❤

    1. Yeah, its been a dry year for the Pool, hasn’t Forrest? All is okay, I’m dealing fairly well with changes and rolling with the punches, so I can’t ask for more. I missed you too 🙂

  4. This fits really close to a lot of what I have going on in my head now.

    Glad to see you again! 😀 ❤

    1. Hiya, good to connect with you again, sorry to hear some of my thoughts reflected within your own though. Hope things get more fun, with less fear for you soon. 🙂

  5. Hey girl: What a post!! Spoken like a true artist & adventurer. My favorite part of this piece you wrote, “Because I’ll be alive and not just pretending to be.” Beautifully said my dear. I just recently watched a movie that I really loved, “The Way”. There’s a line in the movie between the father and son that I thought was phenomenal. The father a doctor, cannot understand his free-spirited sons choices. He tells his son the adventurer, “I have no regrets over the life I chose.” His son tells him. You don’t choose life dad…you live it!” You’ve said that beautifully here, CeeLee. Sharing this post now and great to have you back!! 😉 xoxo

    1. Ladies!!! I’ve missed you both and from what I’m reading, it sounds as though you’re doing well. 🙂
      It’s a pleasure to have you stop by the Pool and comment. It made me smile all day.

      I’ll look that movie up, I’m not familiar with it, but am intrigued.
      Thank you so much for sharing the post. It’s marked the beginning of a really amazing adventure for me and one I hope will never end.
      I want to be on my deathbed and be able to grin and say “Well…it’s been one helluva ride.”
      Here’s to living out loud 🙂

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