I’ve always been a right now and not later, type of person. All or nothing and full speed ahead. Patience simply wasn’t included within my blueprints. Not when I was born with the equivalent of a fire alarm going off in my head and inner voice clamoring for me to run.
Run fast, run far, run now.
I’ve raced through my entire life like a runaway train. Rocking and reeling on the tracks and no emergency brake. Always looking for the next milestone and the next experience and on and on. The reason of why I should run, or to what destination, has remained unknown.
I was born driven and I’ve never stopped.
Yeah, of course there were exceptions, there always are, but precious few. Pregnancy, growing out a bad haircut, waiting in the DMV line-that’s about it.
It’s not all bad, my lack of patience, I know it’s a part of my ADHD and something I’ve had to accept. And it has managed to produce results I may not have had I not been stubborn and refused to give up pushing forward.
Then again, it’s also put me in situations that would’ve been avoidable if I had only taken a second to breathe and reassess before jumping.
I have harbored a sincere dislike for the stuff everyone says about patience since I was old enough to understand them. Like all good things in good time and blah-blah.
I hate to admit it but…I’m changing my thinking and might have to admit that I might have been wrong.
3 months for the things I’ve wanted and wished for to happen-for years-have happened. And it was because I made a conscious effort to ignore the compulsion to run and slowed down to a walk. Hard to do un-medicated but still achievable.
In 3 short months, I’ve come so far. I’ve managed to close not 1, but 2 doors on long since concluded chapters of my life. Ones that haunted me and refused to be silenced, but I have and I walked away with a smile.
I’ve been able to enjoy friendship and feel the brush of anticipation of good things to come, rather than racing on to conquer the next challenge.
I’ve missed out on a lot. I’m realizing this lately, but I’m not looking back. I may always be driven, impatient, and stubborn-I’m human.
The difference is that I choose to walk instead of run. Whatever the next thing is, I’ll make there.