Category Archives: Relationships

Do You HAVE To Bomb My Brain and Crash My Functions?

 

It's My Life, My ADHD-Every Tuesday on http://swimintheadultpool.com

 

 It’s Tuesday and it’s time for an ADHD story at Swim in the Adult Pool . This (yeah…it’s true) story happened last week, so it’s fresh out of the oven…and I must be hungry.

 

“You dropped a bomb on me

you dropped a bomb on me…”

 

The Redneck’s driving skills are an enviable (by some) work of art.

He can execute a successful merge onto the desired exit ramp and (loudly) verbalize helpful merging tips to other drivers, complete with hand gestures at the same time.

 I absolutely hate riding with him.

I don’t hate his driving talent. I have my own driving skills.

I hate riding with him because he knows the one thing guaranteed to make my ADHD snarl is to poke it with a carefully and casually dropped Holy Sh*&!  type of info bomb.

What better place to do so than in the car, where there are no worries over possible immediate retaliation, right? Right.

Taking advantage my being a captive audience, he’ll drop a bomb disguised as a simple statement and smirk while he watches my executive functions tailspin, crash and burn.

On the way back home from Duck’s class production last week, just such a brain-busting opportunity came a-knockin’ for my tin-tapping (welder) Redneck.

For the record, I never saw it coming.  But then again do I ever?

So this is how my brain dealt.

CAP, this is Alpha-1. We got a bogey. We’re fangs out and padlocked.”
“Copy that Alpha-1. Don’t get sunk in the floorboard”
 

The Redneck“So… I guess I should tell you something. I met up with an ambulance this morning.”

Me:  “You…what?!”

The Redneck:  “Well…work called them, I didn’t. I got dizzy and broke a cold sweat while I was tackin’ and my heartbeat and blood pressure went up real high. Oh and my chest hurt too.”

Me:  “But why didn’t you call me? Why did nobody call me?”

The Redneck:  ” I would have, if they’d had to take me to the hospital. But they checked me out and said I was okay. So I went back to work. The only reason I’m telling you is because you’re gonna see the chest doodads they used for the heart monitor in the trash. And I didn’t want you to worry.”

Me:  “Chest…doodads…aahh…You just went back to…Aahh….but…aahh…”

ka-POW!     sizzle...

And my brain responded…

“CAP-this is Alpha-1 . Bogey smoked. We’re three down and locked.”
“Copy that Alpha-1. The runway is clear. Three down and locked. Welcome home.”
 

CeeLee

 
 
 
 
 

 

 

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“Why Can’t You Be Normal?!” ADHD and Couples

Anger and ADHD

“But I have no idea of what normal is!” I yelled back

Sweet, right? I know.

One of the worst fights I’ve ever had in a relationship and I doubt I’ll forget it. Don’t get me wrong, fights are bound to happen no matter who you are or how meticulously you tend your relationship.

The Redneck and I have had more than our fair share of battles over the years and probably are over what might be considered the quota for a “normal” couple to have.

A normal couple in which neither partner brings adult ADHD to the table, that is.

It was the frustration in his voice that cut most

I felt awful. I couldn’t explain to him, this weird redneck guy who was light years out of my usual guy dating-range, the gruff voiced man with a heart of gold who I was by then, completely head over heels in love with (and still am) why I did things the way I did.

Or how I arrived at the conclusions I did, said conclusions that were so obviously off base.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry?” It was the only answer I had

How could I get him to understand what I couldn’t understand myself? I only knew that I felt differently, thought differently, and talked differently than him.

I had been diagnosed with adult ADHD 2 years prior to meeting him and was still learning myself. I felt like a total goob loser, I mean if the redneck felt like this and he is, technically speaking anyway, a “normal” guy, or at least sans ADD/ADHD, then what was my deal? I lacked the words.

It. Sucked.

“Babe, you know I love you-ALL of you,
even when you talk so fast that my head spins-right?”

I did know and I still do know this. Sappy as it sounds, I can’t imagine being with anyone else but that crabby in the morning redneck guy who loves me, despite me.

It’s the old fashioned kind of love I dreamed of having, after I had overdosed on too many happily ever afters as a kid.

Yeah.

But having his Understanding ADHDers Behavior sure would’ve helped me.

Eh, we live and we do learn. Eventually.

 

ADHD/ADD and Relationships

A Visual Love Letter To A Non-ADHD Fluent Redneck

 

Showing you what I can't say right

To My Hardworking Redneck,

I know how frustrating it is for you, I do.

You’re always having to ask me for a translation

of what I just told you.

Or to slow down.

Or both.

While you may wonder if it’s really important, 

you’re positive that you don’t want to know,

because it usually ends

with your butt in a sling in one way or another. 

Yeah it sucks.

I know you're not thinking complimentary things right now

It wears me out too.

 

My ADHD always runs interference

in our relationship communications. 

Intercepting, gleefully twisting

what I mean and wreaking havoc with my words.

It ends with us snarling

 and you biding your nether cheeks farewell

 for what chaos may soon befall them. 

Maybe we should try something a bit different.

You’ve always said you were more of a visual guy, right?

 

Maybe visual will work better?

So…when I say:

“Holy moly, the place looks like we stepped in a dog turd, huh?”

I don't mean I hate your work

What I really mean is:

“I’m stunned at the amount of work you’re doing-by yourself.”

You rarely get my humor.

Instead you’re usually left…

You get mad and I understand

Which is understandable.

But then I’m left

I feel like this after we fightAre you with me so far? Good.

My articulation goes right out the window 

when it comes to you. And I hate that so much.

Communication with Adult ADHD sucks

The noise doesn’t help my mental processing either.

So when I say:

“How many ways are you trying to kill me leaving

the reciprocating saw on the floor like that?!”

You're doing this for us

What I mean is:

“Babe, I’d like very much to live to see this project complete

but you know how clumsy I get when things are moved

and floors are booby trapped. Little help please?”

Okay and maybe I’m jealous over your ability

to make things work

the first time around 

and without so much as a print to go by.

Am pretty sure you would be too.

watching a dream take shape

Look babe, you show your love to me every day.

And I see it. I do.

I can touch it. 

Damn sure have no problems hearing it.

But I can’t do the same for you.

So I hope by you reading this,

you’ll better understand what my pictures are saying

than I ever can seem to do.

So when I say:

“Take a break already, you make me look lazy!”

I love what you do

What I mean is:

“I’m worried for all the pressure you’re under, 

both at your normal job and here too.”

I worry for you because you silly redneck, I love you!

“I love you so much more than I can say.

Both myself and a Duck too.”

Duck loves you too

Oh yeah. And don’t kill me before our dream can come through.”

Because that would just be rude.

“Real” Love From Thought Catalog; My Thoughts

 

 
I like the Thought Catalog. Who can’t, really? So many different views and ideas and so many things to read, and mull over. Always a welcome respite from dwelling within my own ADHD mind and surrounded by the same ole thought processes and patterns.

My personal definition of real love sure doesn’t include any of the  fairy tales we all heard when we were younger. Far from it. In a lot of ways though, that’s a good thing. Who wants to kiss frogs and risk warts (among other less savory things) and battle dragons, witches, and the likely possibility of ending up as dinner? My life already has all of those elements.

I found this article a while back and have been waiting for the right time to add my contribution. This weekend presented me with exactly what I had been seeking. Here are my examples of what real love is.

Real love is:

My guy deciding to build new rooms in our house since we aren’t able to move to a bigger one-yet.

Building When You Can't Move
Doing what needs done
Love Doesn't Mean Getting A Prince
Making do with what you have
Love Isn't Just Saying The Words
Hard Work and LOTS of Sweat

Real love is…

Trying to make what you have-better; when money is short and no one else can help

***I’m banned from all electrical equipment***

My Guy is Really Handy To Have
Providing for your family
Love is Teaching Skills Outside of School
Teaching skills you can’t learn in school
He had enough time to make matching garden planter boxes
He made matching garden planter boxes too

But most of all…Real love is…

Really loud right at the moment, but it’s not just saying words
Showering someone with gifts that require no effort or thought

It’s not all about money either.

Not even if they really really really want a Mustang GT500

“I love you too babe”

My guys make me feel lucky
Love is patient, Love is kind

Real love is…QUIET (sometimes)

It’s doing what needs to be done
Not expecting anything in return
and enjoying someone else’s enjoyment