Tag Archives: communication in relationships

“Why Can’t You Be Normal?!” ADHD and Couples

Anger and ADHD

“But I have no idea of what normal is!” I yelled back

Sweet, right? I know.

One of the worst fights I’ve ever had in a relationship and I doubt I’ll forget it. Don’t get me wrong, fights are bound to happen no matter who you are or how meticulously you tend your relationship.

The Redneck and I have had more than our fair share of battles over the years and probably are over what might be considered the quota for a “normal” couple to have.

A normal couple in which neither partner brings adult ADHD to the table, that is.

It was the frustration in his voice that cut most

I felt awful. I couldn’t explain to him, this weird redneck guy who was light years out of my usual guy dating-range, the gruff voiced man with a heart of gold who I was by then, completely head over heels in love with (and still am) why I did things the way I did.

Or how I arrived at the conclusions I did, said conclusions that were so obviously off base.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry?” It was the only answer I had

How could I get him to understand what I couldn’t understand myself? I only knew that I felt differently, thought differently, and talked differently than him.

I had been diagnosed with adult ADHD 2 years prior to meeting him and was still learning myself. I felt like a total goob loser, I mean if the redneck felt like this and he is, technically speaking anyway, a “normal” guy, or at least sans ADD/ADHD, then what was my deal? I lacked the words.

It. Sucked.

“Babe, you know I love you-ALL of you,
even when you talk so fast that my head spins-right?”

I did know and I still do know this. Sappy as it sounds, I can’t imagine being with anyone else but that crabby in the morning redneck guy who loves me, despite me.

It’s the old fashioned kind of love I dreamed of having, after I had overdosed on too many happily ever afters as a kid.

Yeah.

But having his Understanding ADHDers Behavior sure would’ve helped me.

Eh, we live and we do learn. Eventually.

 

ADHD/ADD and Relationships

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A Visual Love Letter To A Non-ADHD Fluent Redneck

 

Showing you what I can't say right

To My Hardworking Redneck,

I know how frustrating it is for you, I do.

You’re always having to ask me for a translation

of what I just told you.

Or to slow down.

Or both.

While you may wonder if it’s really important, 

you’re positive that you don’t want to know,

because it usually ends

with your butt in a sling in one way or another. 

Yeah it sucks.

I know you're not thinking complimentary things right now

It wears me out too.

 

My ADHD always runs interference

in our relationship communications. 

Intercepting, gleefully twisting

what I mean and wreaking havoc with my words.

It ends with us snarling

 and you biding your nether cheeks farewell

 for what chaos may soon befall them. 

Maybe we should try something a bit different.

You’ve always said you were more of a visual guy, right?

 

Maybe visual will work better?

So…when I say:

“Holy moly, the place looks like we stepped in a dog turd, huh?”

I don't mean I hate your work

What I really mean is:

“I’m stunned at the amount of work you’re doing-by yourself.”

You rarely get my humor.

Instead you’re usually left…

You get mad and I understand

Which is understandable.

But then I’m left

I feel like this after we fightAre you with me so far? Good.

My articulation goes right out the window 

when it comes to you. And I hate that so much.

Communication with Adult ADHD sucks

The noise doesn’t help my mental processing either.

So when I say:

“How many ways are you trying to kill me leaving

the reciprocating saw on the floor like that?!”

You're doing this for us

What I mean is:

“Babe, I’d like very much to live to see this project complete

but you know how clumsy I get when things are moved

and floors are booby trapped. Little help please?”

Okay and maybe I’m jealous over your ability

to make things work

the first time around 

and without so much as a print to go by.

Am pretty sure you would be too.

watching a dream take shape

Look babe, you show your love to me every day.

And I see it. I do.

I can touch it. 

Damn sure have no problems hearing it.

But I can’t do the same for you.

So I hope by you reading this,

you’ll better understand what my pictures are saying

than I ever can seem to do.

So when I say:

“Take a break already, you make me look lazy!”

I love what you do

What I mean is:

“I’m worried for all the pressure you’re under, 

both at your normal job and here too.”

I worry for you because you silly redneck, I love you!

“I love you so much more than I can say.

Both myself and a Duck too.”

Duck loves you too

Oh yeah. And don’t kill me before our dream can come through.”

Because that would just be rude.

I Said, He Heard, And The Gap

A Love-Hate Relationship
A Love-Hate Relationship (Photo credit: garryknight)

 

Just like Auto Correct fails but not as funny

It starts simply enough, it always does. That’s why I’m always taken unaware, lulled into thinking erroneously of course, that The Gap as I call it, between the 2 adult perceptions, was on temporary vacation this past weekend. To hear him talk about it, I’m a she devil and he’s a…guy, doing guy things. I’m not saying he’s wrong, but…my point is how easy it is to hear what you want to hear in relationships and how easy it is to become angry over what doesn’t matter. Both sides of this are exaggerated. Well…some of it.  Continue reading I Said, He Heard, And The Gap