Tag Archives: imagination

What if my “what ifs” turned my job search into a talk show

 

It's My Life, My ADHD-Every Tuesday on http://swimintheadultpool.com

My online job search is going. On the plus side, I have two interviews for this week-woohoo!

On the other hand, I know the search would be doing better if I could find the off button to my what-if’s. Simplistic in design, they have one mission.

To destroy me.  Using whatever means necessary to accomplish their task, these little jerks do a bang up job. It’s too bad they don’t work for me. I might have been a millionaire by now.For instance.

What-if…

My what-ifs turned my job search into a talk show?

“Welcome to “It Isn’t Me-It’s My Damn ADHD!” Talk Show.

Please help me to welcome our first guests to the stage, 

she calls them the Terminators of her determination, the “What Ifs.”

Really? The what ifs can’t be that bad, can they?

 

“Let’s roll the clip taken this morning, direct from CeeLee’s thoughts.”

Okay. Time to focus. Today is all about jobs.

Here we go.

Damn laptop, why can’t you behave? “Run as administrator” doesn’t imply a request. You sack of monkey-censored-you can kiss my-censored-when you take a flying-censored.

Hmmm…better write this down, so I can remember. Verbal threats are effective against laptop defiance.

Ten minutes later…Ah. Finally.

Jobs, jobs, jobs…aha! Job boards. Oh cool, there’s a position open for a delivery driver. I could do that.

So what if I don’t have a resume that reflects my umpteen years of racing, driving. My associates degree isn’t in fry slinging either, but I can show them easily enough.

Yeah, but what-if…

I was a delivery driver for medical supplies, and I was racing to beat the clock, and I got hit by a bus, train, kite, a flying armadillo?

That would be bad.

Right, but  just say, what-if…

I need to think more positively. I’m positive that were I to be hit by-no, no, no.  Dammit!

Take two.

Okay. Instead of my getting hit by random flying objects and/or animals unlucky enough to be launched from Gawd knows where, what-if I started a whole new trend for drifting in a delivery truck?

Well yeah, I know I could do that but then again…

Crap! I did it again. Oohh, I hate having a-censored-and I’m just going to-censoredcensoredcensored!

“Wow. Just. Wow.”
On that note, thanks for tuning into It Isn’t Me-It’s My Damn ADHD!”
The non-reality show that made Jerry Springer smack his director
out of jealousy. Brought to you in part by,

Be Proud, Be Creative, Go ADHD (and get a job!)

and…

Margo’s ADHD Brain’s A-Fire BBQ sauce,

Because your brain just ain’t completely fried til you smell the BBQ.”

 

 

Advertisements

Chasing Wild Ducks and Greetings From Spring Break

 

 

When I picked Duck up from school last Friday…

Spring Break starts...

 

Duck thought Spring Break would be like this…

Time to start the party
 

And it was-sort of…

Spring Break-woohoo!

 

He would’ve been happier but he had this to do…(math study guide)

Oh no...math homework?!
 

It made him feel…

Mad Ducks dance too

 

But we still had a good time anyway…and studied too

Doin' the Duck Dance

 

Keeping up with Duck is tough! Anyone see my Bucket O’ Reserve Energy?

Sooo Tired...

 

 

 

 

A Scene From When Gardens Strike Back

 

http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=7254&picture=ivy">Ivy</a> by Peter Griffin
I Should’ve Stuck To Pulling This Kind of Ivy

 

This Just In At All News About NO News…

We’re going to join our on-location reporter where she’s live at the scene of the occurrence, momentarily. Late last week, an innocent woman was yet another victim of what has been a disturbing trend in the past, but one recently on the rise. The trend?

The Garden Attack.

Targeting the a wide array of victims, it appears to prey upon the wary and unwary alike. Scientists are puzzled over what appears to be a completely random pattern, and urge gardeners to take precautions, such as pants that fit.

Let’s go live. Nadia, are you with us?”

“Yes, Bob, I’m here and standing with me is the latest victim, Cee…um…Lee. Yeah…Ma’am? Can you tell us what happened?”

What?! I’m terribly sorry, you’re going to need to speak up, I’m deaf from having to blast my mp3 player in order to drown out the neighbors dog to keep my sanity. Now, what did you say?”

“Can you tell the viewers at home what happened?”

Well I don’t know what you’re saying but I can tell you what happened.”

“That would be great.”

What?! Never mind. I was minding my own business, just listening to my music and doing a bit of weeding in my garden when it just jumped on me from out of nowhere.

“What jumped on you?”

What?! Dammit speak up! I can’t hear-

WHAT JUMPED ON YOU?”

Oh! Why didn’t you ask me before? Now I look like an idiot, thanks a ton. The poison ivy jumped on me, you silly woman. If it snarled or made any noises, I didn’t hear it, but I sure saw it, with it’s red eyes and mouth full of it’s…itchy stuff. It scared me bad, but I couldn’t run. It wrapped around my legs and I fell face first into the dirt.”

“What, ahem. WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?!”

Geesh lady, are you deaf too? I can hear fine, you needn’t holler me down like that. The poison ivy jumped down the back of my pants, that’s what happened.

” Is that why you’re dancing like that? ”

 I know you’re a hotshot reporter and all, but wouldn’t you dance around if you got attacked by a poison ivy monster that went down the back of your pants and in your butt crack that’s already had a run in with a spider on a highway, but now has a rip roaring case of poison ivy?!

I take hourly baths in Calamine, have to be hogtied to my bed so I don’t scratch in my sleep and have the indignity of having everything and I do mean everything swell shut. Now I ask you. Wouldn’t you dance-oh hey, lookit that butterfly!”

(sigh) “ADHD too? Great…Back to you Bob.”

Okay, so maybe it sounded better in my head…

 

I’ve never been allergic to poison ivy in my entire life. I have even gone so far as to roll around on it just so I might strike swiftly and without warning, on the unwary and allergic, I’m just that mean. But it’s not funny when the joke’s on me. Or rather, plastered across one the worst areas possible to get such a joke.

So if you’ll excuse me, I’ve a Calamine dunking waiting on me.

And a garden to annihilate.

 

My Doctor is still laughing
Poison Ivy SUH-HUH-HUCKS!

 

Saturdays Are For Heroes And The Lazy

The Conquering Hero Has A Victorious Grin
The Conquering Hero Has A Victorious Grin

Saturday is supposed to be for heroes and laziness, right?

It’s Saturday morning…well technically it’s morning, because while I’m still in my pjs and am sans shower, it’s just past 11. Morning still and another cold day of another cold weekend. There are dishes in the sink eagerly awaiting my attentions and my duckling is playing his favorite imaginary game. The one in which he is the conquering hero and judging from the sound effects emanating from his mouth, a hero’s duty is never done. Ha! Try being a parent to an exuberant son and see how you feel then, pal.  Continue reading Saturdays Are For Heroes And The Lazy